Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
