What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
