I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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