I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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