I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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