yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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