Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
