Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
