finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Randomize
