and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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