please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
