"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He shit in the fireplace
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
