My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
is that a dick in a sweater?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
