Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
