No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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