Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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