Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
