Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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