Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
