6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
