nut hugger
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
