We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
