I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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