I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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