She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
