I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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