He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
