Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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