I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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