On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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