i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
