I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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