So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
