Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
