I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
