I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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