I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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