Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
