he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
