Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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