My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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