8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Congratulations! We have a period
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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