she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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