If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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