my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
