Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
