Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
