pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
if only i could text you this smell
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
