she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So much rum. So many feels.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
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