I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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